Author name: shilpa

Dealing With The Breakdown Well, it’s not very uncommon scenario in my day-to-day practice unfortunately.Even the men sometimes cry like a small child in front of you and it’s not very comfortable situation to deal with.Modern Life Crisis has put this huge burden upon us.It’s sometimes gradual… It’s sometimes apparently sudden…No matter what. Not easy to deal with for sure…What Can We Do?1. First & Foremost, Recognize The Source –Breakdowns ideally never happen overnight. There is a gradual path down to the bottom, unless there is a sudden blow/setback, like losing a loved one for example.Recognizing from where it is coming makes our work half done as it rules out or narrow down the possibilities.One needs to know if the source is any situation or a series of events like a pattern or if it’s a person. 2. Accept The Blow –Accepting what has happened to you, makes it visible and obvious, and only what is visible, is easier to treat.Denial, especially in case of some loved one hurting you is very common and must to be identified and accepted to start with the healing journey.Projecting your pain, diverting your pain will not be of great help. 3. Take A Sabbatical –Though it’s not always an option or possible, it’s a great choice as it will minimize extra load on your mind.Whether it is your job or relationship, ‘Time Please’ does not hurt.Extra load blocks your mind further. 4. Attend The Emergency First –It’s possible that one might be very symptomatic at physical level and that distress is needed to be worked on at priority basis, as it could cause more harm. #Example – Shortness of breath, loosies, dizziness, fainting, aggression, headaches, or anything more severe etc.Listen to your body. 5. Ask For Help If Needed –One of the main reasons for breakdown is we don’t ask for help at right time. When the damage is minimal or when it is easily treatable.The reasons for not asking for help could be variable, but recognizing the lines between the lines, if you could catch the alarming signs in time, you definitely can prevent bigger harm in the future. 6. Seeing A Doctor /Psychotherapist /Counsellor /Therapist Is Not A Shame –Not seeing is definitely a shame. Some traumas are deep rooted and need to be worked on through our sub-conscious mind. Detailed understanding, different healing techniques can make us empowered to deal with the situation better way.We though believe that we know it all, we can handle it all, it’s not the truth for anyone.There are times when 3rd person intervention is needed, especially the one who is not involved in the concerned situation. 7. Medicines –It’s a huge spectrum and involved all schools of Medicines, having their own strengths and weaknesses. Choosing the one stream that suits you is advisable and do not avoid if it’s needed.You can go for more healthier, safer, natural sources which will do less harm, and under supervision. 8. Meditation –I see many people suggesting to do meditation in the cases like depression, breakdowns, Emotional imbalances etc. I personally feel that meditation has its great role in the healing when one is little settled at Emotional Level, and not when in the intense Emotional Roller Coaster. 9. Stay Away From Toxicity – Toxic Friends Toxic Environment Toxic Relatives Social Media Web Binging Food Binging 10. Exercise Regularly – Mental – Journaling, Healing Techniques Physical – Gym/ Swimming/ Sport, Body Massage, Spas Spiritual – Salt Water Bath, Meditation, Yoga, Pranayama etc. 11. Unconditional Love –  No matter whose fault it is, when you are unconditionally accepted with your mistakes done in the past, there are chances to break this chain. so, unconditional love and support by near & dear ones are mandatory for faster and permanent recovery. UNDERSTAND This journey is not simple, not short… It’s not a quick fix… BUT, with Patience, and Proper Guidance we can beat it. © Dr Shilpa Pol [DSP]

Note = There are always exceptional cases, which are real reasons… But those are very few in numbers…  I will try… [Never happens] Only if I have someone with me… [Can’t you walk, sit in a Rikshaw/Cab, do you live in a place you can’t communicate?] I really wanted to but… [Only if you really wanted to… You could have…] We should catch up one day [Why one day…. Let’s decide the date/time /venue rt away] It’s raining…. Can’t go to gym…  [Does your gym ceiling leak?] I can’t avoid this Wedding… That’s automatically a cheat day obviously… [Really, is your Sister/brother /whoever has that wedding, crying over increased wt every day?] There are these and thousands of other excuses we give every day for small small things… We lie to others… We lie to ourselves… Why? Why Cannot We Be Trasparent? There could be again thousands of reasons but at the base of everything, there are few realities. You want to be accepted by the society /friends /family. Who wants a bad reputation right? You love to be a victim of situations. There is always a payback for avoiding what you actually should be doing. You are genuinely feeling you can’t, which may not be the reality as you are not giving yourself that chance.   What To Do –  First and foremost, Accept –  You are not gonna try. You are not sure you want to go. You don’t want to. You are just saying. You are lazy. You don’t need to avoid wedding to follow your diet. You just want a cheat day. All of you remember my old posts? My favourite work is – Journaling Jot down the list of 2 things… Real situations. Your excuses. Then decide, out of the list of your excuses, what can you start working on first…. And start with honesty. Remember Excuses can save a day, not a situation. People will start noticing if it’s your habit. And they will start avoiding you or make fun of you. You may lose good friends, good contacts, good clients. By telling the truth, you may hurt someone, but with honesty you may save the relationship.  Wake up before it’s too late.  © Dr Shilpa Pol [DSP]

It’s Okay To Be Not Okay! How Many of you have this habit of saying, “I am fine. I am okay”, even if you are not? As I always say that we are not trained to express what we feel exactly, most of us have learnt to say, “I am okay.” Friends, when we say, “Okay”, instead of, “No, I am not Okay”, we are denying many emotions.  May be our anger, or grief, or disappointment, or fear and anxiety. It could be anything.  Denying Your emotions = Denying The Part Of Your Existence. Let me give one example from my experience – So, I was on this online session with a client and doing therapy on her. Her eyes were closed and she was following what I was telling her to say. Now in between our session her small kid entered the room and sat on her lap. But she continued, so I continued.  Now this must be unusual for her son. So, he removed one of her earphones to grab her attention. She still continued; I continued. Then he started patting on her shoulder. then he tried to kiss her on her cheek continuously. So, in short, he was trying every possible way to grab her attention. But he didn’t go anywhere. Emotions we feel are just like that friend, like a child. They don’t understand LOGIC, when to come up, when not to come up. They will keep trying every possible channel to come up. And more you ignore them, deny them, they too will apply force and techniques or sometimes erupt like a volcano. Isn’t it better to just pay attention, see what exactly is happening [though it was not possible in my session as she was in trance ], and realize, or diagnose?  Only which you are aware of, you can accept, challenge and deal with it the best way you can. Many wait for others to understand instead of simply expressing. But this unnecessary waiting also is a waste of time & energy, as not everyone is going to understand things at your level. When you admit, and express, “I am not Okay”, only then there are chances of change or transformation. Isn’t it? By denying your unease, you are denying your care, your healing, your well-being. And so, your right, your self-worth. So, think of it carefully. Do not say, “I am okay”, if you are not. © Dr. Shilpa Pol [DSP]

TO ZINDA HO TUM Everyone knows this famous dialogue from the film ‘Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara’ … In the alluring voice of equally talented actor-singer Farhan Akhtar… But Do We Feel Alive? What does it take to feel alive? Many times, clients keep telling me, “Shilpa, that part of me died since….” Different people feel different part of their existence dying due to different situations or persons… Can you relate to this…?  Since some terrible times in your life, you don’t feel good. Not yourself to start with and no matter what you do, you don’t get back to your original self… What to do? 1.Recognize Do you know exactly since when are you feeling this? It might or might not be a precise moment but approximate time frame should work here and then you can dig little more into the specifications. 2. Specification Is it a situation/s or a person/s? It is one time or a pattern? Once you feel how long it lasts or it’s there throughout? 3. Signs & Symptoms Varies from situations to situations and people to people. Some feel only emotional trauma… Some physical… and some experience both pretty badly. 4. Caution If the trauma is really deep, you go numb and you don’t feel anything or you don’t remember at times. It’s a mind’s defence mechanism to save you from that memory. And in such situations, signs and symptoms may appear after days/months or even years, known as PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder]. 5. No Waste Of Time Once you know which situation are you in the current time, it’s better not to waste any further time and start working on it. First step is always to recognize and to accept. Once you accept, start talking to people who can help you. “Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.” 6. ZINDADILI  Does not come on platter. It’s a road to travel. It’s an everyday effort. One step at a time. It’s very important not to have huge or unrealistic expectations. After healing happens, fill that space immediately with happy replacements and work on them daily. 7. Important Any trauma, smaller or bigger leaves its mark on us. It’s a reminder of our learning process. Do not expect you to get back to yourself. Expect to get back to the better version of yourself. © Dr Shilpa Pol [DSP]